Wife Turns Away from Painful Sex; Can This Be Solved?

My wife has pain during penetration, so it is difficult to have sex. I am denied sex again and again. I am 59 and my wife is 58. She is not interested in sex. Please advise.

Melissa Donahue says: Thanks for your question. Working with the information you have provided, a few thoughts come to mind:
Given your partner’s age, she may be going through or be in menopause. If so, the hormonal changes could have affected her vaginal lubrication as well as her skin quality. Some women benefit from an over-the-counter vaginal lubricant or Vitamin E oil, while others may need some localized hormone replacement therapy prescribed by a healthcare provider. In any instance of on-going pain, it’s wise to have a medical exam to rule out medical causes.
How much sex play are you engaging in together prior to penetration? Some couples don’t engage in enough sex play to get the woman aroused, which may cause pain during penetration. Think of your partner like a “classic car” that needs her engine warmed up prior to going for a ride. If she is aroused, the addition of a lubricant may still be helpful. However, a lubricant instead of arousing sex play will not fix the problem.
Another thing to consider is your sexual technique or routine. Sometimes, the types of stimulation, positions or activities that may have worked for years are no longer comfortable or arousing. Communication is the key to resolving this matter. If you and your partner can’t speak openly about this issue, you will find it difficult to get to the root and correct the difference of desire as it relates to her physical pain. If you can’t change things by yourselves, a sex therapist, counselor or educator may be able to help.