I’m 74 years old and a widow and I sometimes get the attention of younger men. The feeling is there, but I am too scared to take that step. Is this ever a good idea to get physical with a younger man?
Joan Price says: By “younger men,” I don’t know if you mean men in their sixties, in their forties, or in their twenties. If these men are a decade or so younger than you, the age difference will barely be noticeable. The bigger the age difference, the more you’ll notice it, because you have fewer experiences in common and maybe less to converse about.
But if you have common interests or activities, and you’re attracted to each other, any age difference doesn’t need to matter – unless you feel uncomfortable.
If younger men are giving you attention, they find you attractive and interesting, which can be a lovely feeling for you. Enjoy it! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating even much younger men, flirting, and enjoying their attention. Some young men just prefer older women. They may value your experience and self-confidence. They may feel wired that way, sometimes because of delightful early experiences with older women. Others may have no idea why, they just like older women.
It sounds from your question as if you’re interested and attracted, but anxious about getting involved. Is that because the men are a lot younger, and you’re suspicious of their motives? If that’s true, trust your instinct. If the conversation goes to money, or he expects you to pay for your dates, or he asks for loans or gifts, get away fast. You don’t need to explain yourself or make excuses. Extricating yourself with a clear, simple statement is enough, such as: “This is not working for me — let’s not continue.”
If your uncertainty is because you’re just started to consider dating after losing your spouse, and you don’t trust that you’re ready, that’s a tough one. I’m a widow, too, and I tried several times to start dating before it “worked.” I would accept (or initiate) a date, then feel so sad that I wanted to run away and hide under the covers because trying to be with a new man made me feel more alone rather than less. Then, at a certain point, with no rhyme or reason, I was ready again. We can’t know when that will be until we try. Our timelines are all different and totally unpredictable. So do get out there and date different men, rediscovering who you are and what kind of man you like. You may surprise yourself!